Tears

If I had to sum up most of what I've been doing this week it would have to be shedding tears. This week has just been SO trying and there have been several times that I've felt that I might just fail the test. BUT, I do know that the Lord will NOT give us more than we can handle...although he obviously feels that I can handle a lot.

I don't know if many people actually read what I write, but mostly I am using this as an outlet so that I don't explode and as a journal to remember my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Okay, so here goes.....

1st bad event this week - finding out that my best friend, my Mom, has breast cancer

Wow....that was so hard to write, it's so hard to hear, and especially hard to say. I just can't in my mind conceive that my Mom is sick. I have never experienced this level of sadness where I am in a constant state of shock, worry, grief, misery, and a tiny bit of hoping. My Mom is everything to me. She is my shoulder, my listener, my counselor, my amigo, and most importantly my HERO! Tears are just rolling right now as I type bc the emotions are so raw and need I say, "fresh". The cliche is so true that you take everything for granted until it happens to you and you never ever think that it will. Now, please don't take this as me having a pity party for myself, bc it is SO NOT that. I'm just hurting and aching for my precious Mom as she gears up for this battle. I've had so many good-hearted people telling me that everything is going to be fine and in my mind I have faith that it WILL be. However, I don't want her to suffer one bit and that's what hurts the most. I don't have all the news on what is going on but I do know that her form is aggressive and that her doctor said that they are going to be aggressive about it {which I am glad about}. I also know that they will do surgery, but it might be a while {few months or so} before it happens. The first thing that they are going to do is chemotherapy {another really hard word to type, hear, and say}. This is what I'm most anxious for her about. She will most likely have to do chemo alot, then surgery, and later daily radiation afterwards. All I know of my Mom is her being happy, healthy, beautiful, and full of life and I know that she will still be all of those things. I just pray that she will be strong, which she always has been. So, after writing all of this, the main reason that I am writing is not for pity for my Mom or me, but for PRAYERS! Please please please PRAY! I love my Mom so much and I know God loves her too and will take care of her!

3 generations....my sweet girl and my hero

2nd bad thing - job related

Can't really discuss it bc I don't want to get in trouble at work....let's just say it's been really stressful at work and I thank the good Lord for Kendra and Shannon. I think we all balance each other out pretty well {most of the time :)} and thank goodness bc we've had a lot to try to balance lately!

3rd bad thing - my cousin, Kody passes away at age 19

So sad. I wasn't very close with my cousin, but he still was my cousin. My heart goes out to his sister Britnee and his mom Laura {who I call my Lulu}. Kody actually passed away earlier this week, but he lived in Missouri, so I didn't find out until today. I remember when Kody was born, I was 5 at the time. He was born with a major heart defect and has undergone NUMEROUS surgeries in his short life. He waited on a heart transplant list for a long time before finally receiving a new heart. PTL! I hate that I wasn't actually close to him, but bc he lived so far away I only heard about him every now and then from Lulu {who loves him so much}. My heart just aches for my Lulu. She is so special to me. She and my Mom are actually first cousins and grew up like best friends. My grandma, Grandma Glover, is her aunt but is more like her second Mom. I have always appreciated that about Lulu. My Mom has been pretty much the only one to take care of my grandma, but Lulu has always reached out to help with her as well. This summer when we were at the hospital for a straight week, Lulu made just about every visiting hour with us. I'm so sorry for her loss, so once again, please PRAY for my family and my Lulu.

My cousin, Kody Jordan

I hope that this blog has not depressed anyone who has read it. Please know that although the storms may rise, we serve a risen Savior who is always here to watch over and protect us. He knows our deepest hurt and hurts like we do. Our God knows pain. Imagine his hurt when he sent his perfect Son who came into the world and did no wrong, but died a horrible death on the cross so that WE, sinners who are so undeserving, may be saved and have everlasting life! I am always reminded of my favorite song by Casting Crowns, "I'll Praise You in this Storm", when I am experiencing difficult times like now. It's so hard to do, but one of the most powerful things that my Mom said this week after sharing her news with me was that she was NOT worried and that she's saved so there's nothing for her to fear! WOW, to have faith like that! Here I am wanting to curl up in a little ball and just cry for days about this news and the one who actually has to face the battle is telling me she's not worried because she knows that she is saved and if anything happens to her, she knows where she is going. Are you that bold? Am I that bold? This is powerful stuff, but it's so true! So please don't be discouraged if you've read my blog, be encouraged because it WILL be okay! And, please remind me of these same words that I have typed when I need it, because I know there will be trying days ahead. I LOVE my Mom, my family, and my God. Please continue to pray and if I can pray for you, please let me know!

Love,

Kim {berly} :)