Change is Gonna Come....

So, now that it has been ALMOST a year since I last blogged, here goes the attempt at an update.....




LOTS has changed for me in the past 12 months, some good, some bad, most NECESSARY! Let's go ahead and get on with the elephant in the room, yes, Zach and I are divorcing. It's actually been going on since early Spring. It's been a LONG, HARD road and it's been really ROUGH! It is almost final, just waiting on some paperwork to be finalized by the judge. No, I will NOT go into details to spare all 3 parties (mainly for Albrey's sake). Yes, it was the hardest thing I have ever done/will do/will have to live with. I know most have already made their judgements, and go ahead, although, God is the only judge that I am truly concerned about, but he knows the truth! I know people will judge because I have to admit, I used to be very judgemental although I didn't realize it at the time, and sadly I hurt a lot of people along the way, which I really regret. It's funny how when you feel like you are doing the so-called "right" things, you are falsely empowered with this authority to talk about how "bad" other people are. It's sad bc you forget about how "bad" you might have been in the past. Newsflash people::: you can say you are holding people accountable (sounds much better, right?), but if you are talking behind their backs instead of TO them, you aren't holding anyone accountable - you are gossiping! Moral of the story - Don't judge because you NEVER know what people are going through! I know that I never will again bc it's so frustrating when I know people are talking about me and they haven't even so much as talked to me and the have NO idea what the details are. So anyways, that has led to lots of other changes in my life as well....




Let's talk about the good, no GREAT....




So, the last post happened right after finding out about my Mom's diagnosis of breast cancer, and I am so absolutely THRILLED to report that she is now CANCER FREE - WOO HOO! (Definitely shout worthy) and if you just got chills....you're welcome :) Yes, she had to go through several tough months of chemotherapy and the loss of her gorgeous hair, but in July, she underwent an elected bi-lateral double mastectomy. About a week after the surgery, the doctor called to report that all her scans were clear and there were NO signs of cancer left....PTL!!!!! Now, she has just undergone another...ahem....surgery, and I must say, I think she's gonna be ALRIGHT! ;) Her hair is growing, and I must admit, it is really cute (even though she will disagree). So, that is one of the best things that has happened lately, and probably will be for the rest of my life!




Another big change.....brace yourself...



I dyed my hair (well not me, I had some help from friends, 2 applications to be exact bc my hair is so stinkin' dark!). Yes, I'm now a redhead! {gasp, I know} This hair hasn't been touched by color in over 6 years people, this is a BIG DEAL! I like it, I've had mixed reviews, but to my naysayers I say, I don't care, I needed a positive life change and this one wasn't as drastic as some others I could've come up with! I think it's fun! As my friend Laurelyn says, "If you can't change your life, change your hair." So, I did....here ya go...

My Mom maintains that she likes my hair dark because she says it makes me look more "exotic"! Ha, yeah, that is until I open my mouth and this mildly tainted Southern accent comes flyin' out! But, she is my Mom after all so she's supposed to say things like that, right?!

Some other good news.....

Albrey is 2!!!!! Wow, did I really just label that as a "good" thing?! Funny because right at this very instant, she is throwing one of her daily "terrible 2" tantrums! The trigger tonight.....I go into the garage to grab something for 2 seconds, she sees an outdoor toy, I say okay you can bring it in, she sees another, I say okay, she sees a frisbee, I say no. Cut to Albrey - absolute SCREAMING fit, like I'm talking laid out in the kitchen floor on her knees will not move screaming for 5-minutes-straight-now fit.

Okay, I just got her, calmed her down with animal crackers and Yo Gabba Gabba.... If someone can please clue me into this 2 year old screaming/crying logic, let me know......I'm willing to pay BIG!!!! But, yes, she is still my princess and I love her more than life!

One last goodie....

One of my besties, Kendra, the girl next door :) that also teaches 3rd grade with me, and I started grad school! Yay!!!! We started this summer with 2 classes, and we are almost done with our 4th now! Our goal is to graduate next December with our Master's degrees.....wish us luck!

So, that pretty much sums up the MAJOR life events. Amid all the chaos that is currently my life, I can truly say that I am happy. There are several reasons for that :) I can't wait to post more later! I'm going to attempt to do a better job of blogging, since I have so much free time and all :) Happy Thanksgiving btw!!!! Be thankful - SERIOUSLY, you could have my life :) All kidding aside, my life is still very blessed!

Until next time.....

Peace and love,

*Kim {berly}*

Tears

If I had to sum up most of what I've been doing this week it would have to be shedding tears. This week has just been SO trying and there have been several times that I've felt that I might just fail the test. BUT, I do know that the Lord will NOT give us more than we can handle...although he obviously feels that I can handle a lot.

I don't know if many people actually read what I write, but mostly I am using this as an outlet so that I don't explode and as a journal to remember my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Okay, so here goes.....

1st bad event this week - finding out that my best friend, my Mom, has breast cancer

Wow....that was so hard to write, it's so hard to hear, and especially hard to say. I just can't in my mind conceive that my Mom is sick. I have never experienced this level of sadness where I am in a constant state of shock, worry, grief, misery, and a tiny bit of hoping. My Mom is everything to me. She is my shoulder, my listener, my counselor, my amigo, and most importantly my HERO! Tears are just rolling right now as I type bc the emotions are so raw and need I say, "fresh". The cliche is so true that you take everything for granted until it happens to you and you never ever think that it will. Now, please don't take this as me having a pity party for myself, bc it is SO NOT that. I'm just hurting and aching for my precious Mom as she gears up for this battle. I've had so many good-hearted people telling me that everything is going to be fine and in my mind I have faith that it WILL be. However, I don't want her to suffer one bit and that's what hurts the most. I don't have all the news on what is going on but I do know that her form is aggressive and that her doctor said that they are going to be aggressive about it {which I am glad about}. I also know that they will do surgery, but it might be a while {few months or so} before it happens. The first thing that they are going to do is chemotherapy {another really hard word to type, hear, and say}. This is what I'm most anxious for her about. She will most likely have to do chemo alot, then surgery, and later daily radiation afterwards. All I know of my Mom is her being happy, healthy, beautiful, and full of life and I know that she will still be all of those things. I just pray that she will be strong, which she always has been. So, after writing all of this, the main reason that I am writing is not for pity for my Mom or me, but for PRAYERS! Please please please PRAY! I love my Mom so much and I know God loves her too and will take care of her!

3 generations....my sweet girl and my hero

2nd bad thing - job related

Can't really discuss it bc I don't want to get in trouble at work....let's just say it's been really stressful at work and I thank the good Lord for Kendra and Shannon. I think we all balance each other out pretty well {most of the time :)} and thank goodness bc we've had a lot to try to balance lately!

3rd bad thing - my cousin, Kody passes away at age 19

So sad. I wasn't very close with my cousin, but he still was my cousin. My heart goes out to his sister Britnee and his mom Laura {who I call my Lulu}. Kody actually passed away earlier this week, but he lived in Missouri, so I didn't find out until today. I remember when Kody was born, I was 5 at the time. He was born with a major heart defect and has undergone NUMEROUS surgeries in his short life. He waited on a heart transplant list for a long time before finally receiving a new heart. PTL! I hate that I wasn't actually close to him, but bc he lived so far away I only heard about him every now and then from Lulu {who loves him so much}. My heart just aches for my Lulu. She is so special to me. She and my Mom are actually first cousins and grew up like best friends. My grandma, Grandma Glover, is her aunt but is more like her second Mom. I have always appreciated that about Lulu. My Mom has been pretty much the only one to take care of my grandma, but Lulu has always reached out to help with her as well. This summer when we were at the hospital for a straight week, Lulu made just about every visiting hour with us. I'm so sorry for her loss, so once again, please PRAY for my family and my Lulu.

My cousin, Kody Jordan

I hope that this blog has not depressed anyone who has read it. Please know that although the storms may rise, we serve a risen Savior who is always here to watch over and protect us. He knows our deepest hurt and hurts like we do. Our God knows pain. Imagine his hurt when he sent his perfect Son who came into the world and did no wrong, but died a horrible death on the cross so that WE, sinners who are so undeserving, may be saved and have everlasting life! I am always reminded of my favorite song by Casting Crowns, "I'll Praise You in this Storm", when I am experiencing difficult times like now. It's so hard to do, but one of the most powerful things that my Mom said this week after sharing her news with me was that she was NOT worried and that she's saved so there's nothing for her to fear! WOW, to have faith like that! Here I am wanting to curl up in a little ball and just cry for days about this news and the one who actually has to face the battle is telling me she's not worried because she knows that she is saved and if anything happens to her, she knows where she is going. Are you that bold? Am I that bold? This is powerful stuff, but it's so true! So please don't be discouraged if you've read my blog, be encouraged because it WILL be okay! And, please remind me of these same words that I have typed when I need it, because I know there will be trying days ahead. I LOVE my Mom, my family, and my God. Please continue to pray and if I can pray for you, please let me know!

Love,

Kim {berly} :)

Goodbye 2009

2009 is over and wow what a year it has been! It's been really interesting to see how much Albrey has grown and changed from a bitty baby to a toddler. I just look at her now and keep thinking, she is a little person! It makes me sad in a lot of ways because of how busy I've been and how much time I have spent away from her, but I'm trying to not dwell on those feelings as much as I have anymore. I've somewhat made a decision {not resolution, I HATE New Year's resolutions~they just don't usually stick for most} to have a better outlook on life and to stop dwelling on being sad so often. I prayed for the things that I've received in my life and God has blessed me so much, therefore, I need to stop getting upset with the blessings that he's given me. So, please hold me accountable if I start having a pity party again! But, no promises that I won't every now and then! :) However, I see no apararent changes coming anytime soon, so I'm just going to try and have a positive attitude!

It has been quite a while since I've posted anything so let me try to recap our Christmas....

The Sunday before Christmas was spent with Zach's extended side of the family a.k.a. the "Lawson Family" Christmas. We celebrated at Shannon & LeighAnn Fortner's B-E-A-U-TIFUL home in Guntersville {some of you may recognize the name, he used to be a Mortgage Broker for Countrywide but now has a new company}. We ate Italian, a welcome change from the norm Christmas dinner, and had a great time visiting with family. Since the family is so large, we exchange names only for the kids and they exchanged presents! Albrey got an awesome little tea set, which she absolutely loves. She LOVES to share her tea with Mommy and Daddy!

the Christmas fairy with her teacups

On Christmas Eve, we went to my in-laws house for our Christmas with them. We ate breakfast for dinner, which was mighty yummy thanks to the wonderful cook, Darlene a.k.a. Nana. Of course, they spoiled us with LOTS of presents {even though they always say every year that it's not going to be much}! We had a great time with them and Albrey loved all the clothes she got and toys, like a broom, mailbox, giraffe bike, corn popper, and more that I can't remember at the moment! However, her most favorite thing ever was the tissue paper! She wanted to rip it all up into the tiniest shreds for her entertainment, so of course we let her. Zach and I also racked up with clothes, jewelry for me, and a brown suede jacket for Zach.

Albrey w/ her tissue paper


Mommy and Daddy {NOT Santa :)} set up all of Albrey's toys for her to wake up to on Christmas morning and we were SO excited for her to see her things, especially her tent! We did go a little overboard, but it's just because she was so good this year! Anyways, we normally let her make a little noise for a while in her crib, not crying - just noise, before we go get her in the mornings. But, we were so excited on Christmas morning that we literally jumped out of bed at the first peep she made to get her up! :) We got the video and regular camera out and got ready to catch one of her wonderful expressions that she makes as she saw her loot. As soon as that little fuzz head came around the corner, she looked, and NOTHING.....I mean NOTHING! I could tell Daddy especially was disappointed so I tried to take her over and let her look close up at everything and still NOTHING! See...

And this is what she saw...

All she wanted was breakfast...can you believe that?!?....well if you look at the size of her belly, you probably could buy that! So, we had a breakfast break and then she got more excited! She got all kinds of clothes and Wiggles movies, a new Bama paci, her tent, a Little People ride-on Princess car, a PBkids chair {green polka dot w/ her name on it} and her Dora tent. Her fave gift.....the chair...she just loves to sit on it, have a snack, and watch TV {hmmm.....sounds familiar, like her Daddy}.

Alb in her chair

Told ya....Daddy and Alb in his chair

Zachory really spoiled me this year! We agreed that the living room set would be our gift to each other which we went to Akins Furniture in Dogtown to find. You can find pics of our goodies on FB...you HAVE TO check out the zebra chest that I got! However, Zachory, being the sneak that he is, kept shopping for me and getting me other things, so I had to get him some extras too, like a black suede jacket (if you're keeping count that makes 2 jackets). We definitely had the BEST Christmas that we've ever had this year!!!!

Later on that day, my fam came over for Christmas lunch, which was non-traditional, much to my step-dad's chagrin. We had chili, hashbrown casserole, and other finger foods. I also made sugar-free banana pudding for Zach, and I did remember the bananas this time! ;) We opened even MORE presents from Nonna and Pop! Albrey of course racked up with more clothes and toys. Mommy and Daddy got a fondue pot, clothes, and some BAMA gear. Zach also got another black jacket!!! So that makes 3 total jackets for him....let me explain....

My lovely husband in the wonderful profession he works in has to dress up for work....like we're talking shirt/tie/the whole deal. However, in winter, to top off his outfit and keep him warm of course, he wears......a hoodie....YES, that's right, I said a HOODIE! Think gray sweatshirt material BAMA hoodie, over a SHIRT & TIE!!!! So, needless to say, the Mom's and wife decided NO MORE HOODIES to wear to work, We got him some nice jackets, although he did end up taking 1 back since we went a little overboard!

Also, on Christmas day, my Mom, Chris, Ashley, and I went to visit Grandma G. {look back to the Thanksgiving pics to see who I'm talking about}. She was in the BEST mood and was pretty mentally alert/aware, which is sadly not usually the case. For instance, she looked over at Ashley's sweatshirt and said, "Is that Auburn?" and we told her it was {she only wears Auburn b/c she likes orange....I'm not kidding}. So, then she says, "Oh no, we like ROLL TIDE!" Now if that's not Grandma in her right mind, I don't know what is! It was definitely the best part of Christmas in my book. :) To top off the night, my stepbro~Christopher, spent the night with us so that he and Zach could play video games! Cute, right? It was a good old fashioned middle school sleepover! ;)

So, I'm still not done w/ Christmas.....

The next day we went to Hartselle to Zach's Uncle Barry & Aunt Amy's house to celebrate the "Standridge" family Christmas w/ his parents, Grandmother, and cousins Breanna, Cameron, Hunter, Carrington, and Sam {who is Cameron's gf}. We ate a traditional yum-O Christmas meal and opened gifts {Albrey got her first American Girl doll~thanks Amy!}. We had a great time, but you could tell that we were all so pooped from celebrating Christmas so many times already! But, we always enjoy hanging out with Amy & Barry and family!

the "kids" :) LOVE them!


We had a WONDERFUL time celebrating Christmas with our family many times {namely 4}! :) And most importantly, we did keep in mind the reason for the season which is Jesus Christ's birth. For that, we are forever thankful and grateful to our Father in Heaven for giving us such a wonderful gift. That is the reason that we spend time with family and give gifts to show our love and appreciation for everyone! We hope that you and yours had a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!